FREE COVID Tests Available Now: Get Yours Before They’re Gone!

Get Your Free Federal COVID Tests Now!

Get your free federal government COVID tests now!

By Dennis Thompson and Carole Tanzer Miller HealthDay Reporters

Attention, all you germaphobes and hypochondriacs out there! The federal government is here to save the day with yet another round of FREE COVID-19 tests. That’s right, folks, you can now satisfy your insatiable need for reassurance by ordering not one, not two, but FOUR additional tests! It’s like Christmas morning for all you testing enthusiasts!

But why, you ask? Well, strap yourselves in because this rollercoaster of a pandemic is far from over. With holiday gatherings just around the corner, and the cold and flu season in full swing, health officials are bracing themselves for another surge in COVID cases. So, they’re kindly providing us with more opportunities to stick long swabs up our noses for that much-needed peace of mind.

Now, hang on to your masks, because here’s the best part: these tests ship for FREE! That’s right, you won’t need to sell your soul or mortgage your house just to get your hands on one – the U.S. Postal Service has got you covered. So, as you sit there anxiously awaiting the week of November 27th, remember that these tests are just a click away on COVID.gov. It’s like shopping for anxiety relief in the comfort of your own home!

Now, here’s where it gets really exciting. If you missed out on the September offer, fear not! This time, you can double your pleasure and double your fun by placing two orders at once. That’s right, folks, you can now have a grand total of EIGHT free COVID tests sent to your doorstep. It’s a testing extravaganza!

But wait, there’s more! According to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services (HHS), a whopping 56 million tests have already been delivered this season. That’s 56 million chances for you to find out if you should cancel your plans and barricade yourself in your home. We’re practically swimming in test kits!

Now, before you discard any expired kits you may find buried in the depths of your medicine cabinet, pay attention. The U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) has graciously extended the expiration dates of many home COVID tests. So, before you toss them in the trash like yesterday’s leftovers, check against the FDA website to make sure they’re still good. Waste not, want not, folks!

Of course, the real motivation behind all this test mania is to curb the spread of the dreaded virus. Health officials want us to use these tests whenever we feel under the weather, even if we don’t have any obvious symptoms. Testing positive means isolating ourselves from society, whether we like it or not.

But here’s a little something that might cheer you up. These tests can also help detect the virus early enough for you to seek out Paxlovid, the antiviral medication that can prevent severe illness. It’s like being armed with a superpower against COVID villains!

Now, let’s talk about the big picture. Brace yourselves, folks, because winter is coming, and with it, a spike in COVID cases. ER visits and hospitalizations are already on the rise nationwide, according to those ever-reliable folks at the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). COVID is still king in the world of viral respiratory illnesses, even with the flu and RSV trying to steal its thunder. COVID won’t be dethroned that easily!

So, while you’re busy stocking up on tests, don’t forget about the other measures you should be taking. Yes, I’m talking about wearing masks, getting your updated vaccine, and doing everything humanly possible to protect yourself and others. HHS Secretary Xavier Becerra, who knows a thing or two about wearing masks, recently shared his secret weapon to survive the holiday season: a 90-year-old mother armed with a face mask. Now that’s what I call a proactive grandma!

So, my testing warriors, embrace these free tests like your life depends on it, because in some ways, it just might. Order yours now before they’re all snatched up! And remember, while we navigate through these turbulent times, stay safe, stay healthy, and stay resilient. We’ll get through this together, one nostril swab at a time!

Image Source: HealthDay

Source: U.S. Postal Service

Didn’t get your hands on any free tests yet? Don’t fret! You can order them straight from the source at COVID.gov.