Maintaining Your Relationship During Alzheimer’s
Strengthen Your Relationship with a Loved One with Alzheimer's Through Relationship-Centered Care
Maintaining Relationships with Loved Ones with Alzheimer’s: A Guide to Relationship-Centered Care
Alzheimer’s disease is a challenging diagnosis, not only for the person with the disease but also for their loved ones. As the disease progresses, it becomes increasingly difficult to recognize the person’s “old self.” It can feel as though the person you once knew and loved is no longer there, even though they are physically present. But how can you maintain a meaningful relationship with someone with Alzheimer’s? It starts with understanding the effects of Alzheimer’s on mental and emotional responses and adapting to a new way of relating to them.
It’s Not You, It’s the Disease
According to Virginia Wadley Bradley, PhD, a professor emeritus of medicine, gerontology, geriatrics, and palliative care at the University of Alabama at Birmingham, it is crucial to distinguish the disease from the person. Knowing how Alzheimer’s affects the brain and behavior allows you to provide empathy and support. Alzheimer’s disease can be divided into three stages: early, middle, and late. In the early stage, memory starts to fail, leading to difficulty in remembering names, misplacing things, and problems with medication management. As the disease progresses into the middle and late stages, these symptoms worsen, causing emotional and behavioral changes. The person may experience heightened anger, sadness, or frustration and eventually lose the ability to care for themselves.
It’s important to acknowledge that these behavior changes can be distressing for both the person with Alzheimer’s and their loved ones. Bradley explains that there is a grieving process as you realize that your relationship will never be the same. Although the person you love is still there, they have lost many abilities.
A New Way to Relate
Coming to terms with your loved one’s diagnosis is the first step in forging a new relationship. As their personality changes, it is vital to accept that your relationship will evolve. This involves embracing relationship-centered care, a method that acknowledges who the person with Alzheimer’s was and meets them where they are. This approach allows doctors to tailor care to the individual’s unique abilities and preferences, involving the family in decision-making processes. Relationship-centered care ensures that dignity and compassion are maintained throughout the caregiving journey.
On a daily basis, relationship-centered care relies on the caregiver’s knowledge of their loved one’s past relationship. While there are patterns of decline, each person with Alzheimer’s is unique, and it is up to you to judge how they are reacting. To keep relationships strong when your loved one has Alzheimer’s, consider incorporating these five ideas:
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Recognize the familiar sparks 🌟
Just because your loved one can’t fully participate in life as they once did, it doesn’t mean they won’t find joy or purpose in activities they previously enjoyed. Focus on recognizing the sparks of the person you knew rather than dwelling on aspects of their personality that may no longer be present. For instance, if your husband loved Reggae music, playing some Bob Marley might bring him joy. If Aunt Claire was an excellent baker, asking her to help with simple baking tasks can create a sense of purpose and well-being. Keeping familiar photos and cherished items in their living environment can also provide comfort and serve as distractions when confusion or agitation arises.
Roll with it 🔄
Alzheimer’s symptoms can be unpredictable. What helps your loved one today may not work tomorrow. It is recommended to establish a familiar daily routine, but be ready to adapt and change plans if your loved one is having a difficult day. Flexibility and adaptability to their responses and moods can help both of you maintain emotional well-being.
Redefine expectations 🧐
It can be frustrating when your loved one can no longer perform simple tasks or struggles with basic information. However, it’s essential to set aside those expectations and maintain a positive attitude. Instead of correcting or asking, “Don’t you remember?” try redirecting, distracting, or changing the subject. Focus on the present moment and emphasize what they can still do rather than what they have lost. Remaining calm and positive can influence your loved one’s emotional state, as people with Alzheimer’s often mirror the emotions of those around them.
Keep closeness 👥
Having Alzheimer’s or caring for someone with it can make you feel isolated. Encourage family members and friends to stay connected with your loved one in ways that are comfortable for them. For example, ask family members to record short video messages to compile into a loop for your loved one to watch repeatedly. Another idea is to create a scrapbook of photos accompanied by names, dates, and locations. Keeping your loved one connected to their support system helps maintain a sense of belonging and happiness.
Take care of yourself 🌟
Caring for someone with Alzheimer’s is a long-term commitment, and as a caregiver, it’s essential to prioritize your own mental and physical well-being. Finding time for self-care is crucial to avoid burnout. Consider enrolling your loved one in adult day care, asking other family members for support, or hiring a caregiver so you can take breaks and recharge. Support groups can also be immensely helpful, providing a space to share experiences and gain new perspectives on relating to your loved one. Additionally, many online communities, such as the National Institute on Aging, offer support and resources for caregivers.
The progressive nature of Alzheimer’s will inevitably change how you relate to your loved one. However, by understanding the effects of the disease on behavior and adopting a relationship-centered approach, you can discover new ways to cherish every interaction and maintain a meaningful connection.
Q&A: Addressing Your Concerns
Q: Are there any treatments or medications to slow down the progression of Alzheimer’s disease? A: Currently, there is no cure for Alzheimer’s disease, but various treatments and medications can help manage symptoms and improve quality of life. Consult your loved one’s healthcare provider for personalized recommendations and guidance.
Q: How can I communicate effectively with my loved one who has Alzheimer’s? A: Communication can be challenging, but there are strategies that can help. Maintain eye contact, speak slowly and clearly, use simple and concise sentences, and provide visual cues. Patience and understanding are key.
Q: What are some activities that my loved one with Alzheimer’s can still enjoy? A: Engaging in activities that stimulate the senses and tap into their past interests can be enjoyable for someone with Alzheimer’s. Consider music therapy, light exercise, art projects, or reminiscing through photo albums.
Q: How can I cope with the emotional toll of caring for someone with Alzheimer’s? A: Caring for someone with Alzheimer’s can be emotionally challenging. Seek support from friends, family, and support groups who can offer understanding and practical advice. Additionally, take care of your own well-being, engage in self-care activities, and don’t hesitate to ask for help when needed.
Q: What legal and financial considerations should I be aware of when caring for someone with Alzheimer’s? A: It’s important to consult an attorney or financial planner to ensure you have the necessary legal and financial documents in place, such as power of attorney, living wills, and healthcare directives. Planning ahead can help alleviate stress and ensure your loved one’s well-being.
Sources:
- University of California San Francisco, Weill Institute for Neurosciences, Memory and Aging Center: “Behavior & Personality Changes”
- Alzheimer’s Association: “Stages of Alzheimer’s”
- Alzheimer’s Society: “Person-centered care”
- U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, National Institutes of Health, Alzheimers.gov: “Tips for Caregivers and Families with Dementia”
- National Institute on Aging: “Alzheimer’s Disease & Related Dementias”
- Photo Credit: E+/Getty Images
Remember, taking care of your loved one with Alzheimer’s is a journey that requires patience, understanding, and support. Share this article with others who may find it helpful and join the conversation on social media. Together, we can navigate the challenges of Alzheimer’s and provide the love and care our loved ones deserve. 💜✨
